Two days ago I was flipping through channels on the TV and stopped at some movie where two criminals where in a car together. It was a man and a woman. The woman was driving.
The woman was angry at the man for something and said that she was going to take her share of the money they stole and leave him at the next bus station. The man reached his foot over to the driver's side and stepped down on the brake. Then he got out of the car and walked around to the other side. The woman locked the door.
She tried to drive, but he'd taken the car keys out of the ignition. He told her to open the door. She screamed no. He tried to unlock it, but she held down the lock. He threatened her with his gun, but she still refused to open the door. The man rammed the butt of the gun into the window, shattering it.
As he was opening the door the woman desperately crawled across the seats to get out of the passenger side. The man lunged after her. She crashed down on the pavement head and hands first. He was grabbing her. They struggled until she was lying on her back on the pavement, and he was on top of her holding her arms over her head by her wrists.
He told her that he'd never let her leave him. He leaned down to kiss her, but she turned her head away. She was angry and crying. He forced her face towards his with his hand and kissed her. She was shuddering with more angry tears.
I had a sneer of disgust on my face. I changed the channel. I hate seeing women be victimized like that, even if it is just a movie.
By now you probably guessed my epiphany. I realized that if the woman had been a man I would have kept watching. I would have been thrilled to see the same scene with two men.
I hate that my gender is sometimes a liability to me. I don't like to be reminded about it. I hate how part of college orientation has to be teaching girls how to fight off rapists. I hated hearing about girls getting raped all the time at my alma mater. I know that guy. That could have just as easily been me.
My heart sinks at the thought. Being brutalized, violated, and then having to force your way out of your haze of trauma to make sure you didn't catch something or get pregnant? What if you'd just lost your virginity in the most hideous way possible? This happens too often. It's too real. I don't want to think about it. I don't want it in my fiction.
But women like those 'bodice ripper' historical romances. Think about it. They're called 'bodice rippers' because the guy is ripping off their clothes. The only one I read had the initial encounter between the lead couple involve the man raping the woman. This rape was one where she was saying, 'No, no,' but wasn't fighting and kept cursing her body's responses to how he was touching her. It's pretty much the same 'forceful seductions' we like to see in yaoi.
You can argue that the romance novel heroine isn't fighting because she knows it's futile. She's a fluff of a girl and he's a ball of muscle. If you make the victim a guy he has to be smaller and weaker than the aggressor or it doesn't work. He's just being a dramaqueen if he has the ability to fight the guy off and doesn't.
Now you make it two guys with one smaller and weaker. The smaller one can't be a little drill sergeant with a buzz cut. That won't work. He won't be able to pull off the drama of succumbing to his body while still protesting. How can you go from him saying, "F you mother f-er!" to thoughts of, "Why does it feel so good? How can my body betray me like this?"
To properly switch the bodice ripper heroine from girl to guy the guy has to be smaller *and* prettier. Then he won't seem as goofy saying, 'No, no, you mustn't!'
However that digression just explains why the uke is smaller and prettier. My epiphany was a reason why women like yaoi in general.
Having the victim be a guy keeps me from having to face my own vulnerability. It keeps me from taking detours away from the fantasy where I think, "OMG, what if I was really raped?"
It totally negates the issue of possible pregnancy. A man can lose his innocence, same as a woman, but there isn't a maidenhead being irrevocably broken. His body will eventually revert to how it was before the act.
What I've presented here is one reason why some women like yaoi. Certainly it's one of the reasons I like it. Now that I've put all this down it seems obvious. I know I've tried to say this in other words in the past. It never crystallized until I saw that movie scene this weekend. It amazed me that something that disgusted me so much could have thrilled me if the girl had only been a guy.
3 comments:
The aggressor is so overcome with desire there is no other choice but to take action. The other is overwhelmed by the force and necessity of the act and despite not wanting, or being ready, for a physical relationship once placed in the position (so to speak) there is similarly no choice but to succumb to the passion that is being brought with force.
[damn, that was a hard paragraph to write in gender-neutral terms]
The point I'd like to make is that if you are not *forced* to identify with one character over another (because of gender) you are free to associate with either character -- or with both at the same time.
Sometimes and in some situations, we like to think of ourselves as the assertive seducer. Sometimes and in some situations, we'd like to think of ourselves as being sexy enough to be seduced -- or being so sexy that a compatible partner would have no choice but to toss society's conventions aside and to take us, hard, right there.
It is a rare individual indeed that is able to identify *in this way* with someone of the opposite gender. Removing the gender assignments (by making both characters male) frees the reader to project themselves (or at least, to sympathize) with either role.
If I can be forgiven for for a grossly inappropriate allusion that is doubly inappropriate (and possibly incorrect) in this application:
Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't.
Yaoi and Yuri work because they can be approached in both directions. Whether one fantasizes about aggressively pursuing or being pursued, in these genres -- since either character is equally acceptable as a focus for the reader -- one can project themselves into the story without feeling icky.
Very well said.
"...I had a sneer of disgust on my face. I changed the channel. I hate seeing women be victimized like that, even if it is just a movie.
"By now you probably guessed my epiphany. I realized that if the woman had been a man I would have kept watching. I would have been thrilled to see the same scene with two men..."
Just curious, what do you think of guys who would have been thrilled to see the scene as it was with a woman and a man (a la some "non-con" "hentai" fans) - or would have been thrilled if the woman had been a girl or a boy in the scene (a la the "lolicon" and "shotacon" communities)?
Also, what do you think of people who were raped IRL themselves (this includes both men and women) and would not have been thrilled to see the same scene with two men?
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